Know Your Audience: "More Joking and Drinking"

Giraffe walks into a bar.
Bartender: "why the long face?"

…

Molecule walks into a bar.
Bartender: "you seem out of sorts, what's wrong?"
Molecule: "I lost an electron."
Bartender: "are you sure?"
Molecule: "I'm positive."

…

Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was assaulted.

…

Jesus Christ walks into a bar. He begins laying hands on patrons and healing their ailments. One guy runs for the back door, though.
"Don't touch me you son of a bitch! I'm on disability!"

…

Penguin walks into a bar.
Penguin: "hey, have you seen my brother?"
Bartender: "I'm not sure - what's he look like?"

…

Termite walks into a bar: "is the bar tender here?"

…

Freud walks into a bar.
Bartender: "what can I get you?"
Freud: "what do you think you should get me?"
Bartender thinks, then says "a pint of lager."
Freud: "boy your mother sure did a number on you!"

…

Skeleton walks into a bar. "I'll have a beer and a mop."

…

Claude and Pierre walk into a bar.
Bartender: "what can I get for you bons hommes?"
Claude: "I'll have a beer."
Pierre: "no-ting for me, tanks."
The bartender goes to get Claude's beer.
Claude: "Pierre, ce qui c'est la, did you quit drinking?"
Pierre: "mon dieu, no! I've brought my own termos!"
Claude: "a termos? What does it do, ta termos?"
Pierre: "ta termos keeps hot tings hot and cold tings cold!"
Claude: "tabernacle! What a great idea! Tell me, Pierre, what's in your termos?"
Pierre: "two popsicles and a cup of coffee!"

…

Tissue walks into a bar.
Bartender: "draft beer?"
Tissue: "no you jerk, that would go right through me!"
Bartender: "well you don't have to be snotty about it!"

…

Pair of jumper cables walk into a bar.
Bartender gives him the hairy eyeball. "I'll serve you, but you'd better not start anything."

…

A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar.
Bartender: "what is this, some kinda joke?"