Gotta Love Family

One of my Christmas gifts was "Culture Shock! Ireland." Culture Shock! is a series designed to prepare you for cultural differences when heading to another country. I read the one for Japan before I went there for a long vacation and it was really helpful.

I found interesting, however, how much of what the book purported to be differences to be things I thought were just idiosyncratic to my own Irish family. One example is the book's point that the Irish tend to look for the humor in everything. As much as family can be frustrating, especially around the holidays, I found the following familial exchanges from the past few days funny:

Auntie calls Mom:
Auntie: What can I bring to Christmas dinner?
Mom: Oh, I think we're really in good shape, thank you anyway.
Auntie: Don't be silly. I have to show up with something.
Mom: Um, well in that case I suppose you could bring some sort of dessert.
Auntie: [dismissively] Now, when would I have time to make a dessert?

...

The ham is cooking, and admittedly it's taking quite a while. Suddenly the smoke alarm goes off in the kitchen. After more hand wringing than is necessary, we determine that the oven is the cause of the smoke. Strangely, it is on 450 instead of the standard 300. It doesn't take long to figure out that the only quiet one, my dad, had decided turned up the oven when no one was looking. When finally confronted, he explains: "well, I was just trying to speed things along."

...

Opening gifts Christmas day, and my cousin gives his mother a handbag. She opens it with appropriate oohing and aahing, and my cousin says, "it gets better, look at the label."

She does (without her glasses), and notes happily "ooh, it's from Ireland!"

Cousin: "no, it's not at all."

Aunt: "well you know I'm not wearing my glasses, what does it say, Italy?" She holds it up for all to see: PRADA.

...

Later the family gathers to play Cranium. One of the types of questions is the challenging "Team Gnilleps," where the team must spell a word backwards, with each team member in turn giving one letter. Obviously dad did not want to be forced to show his lack of spelling prowess, as he argued unsuccessfully that "alternating team members" as the card directed actually meant every other player and he could just sit out. No such luck. After a brief team conference they decided that to make it easier on him, they would let him start. Cousin reads the word: "percussion." Confidently my dad begins, "S."

Not to be outdone, the same category came up later for Auntie's team. Using a similar strategy, her team lets her begin with the word "innuendo." Fate can be cruel, because she had given my dad a good amount of ribbing. Her first letter? "U." When her son dropped his forehead to the table, she explained, "I forgot we were starting from the end of the word."

It's OVA!

One more semester down. Hard to believe I am halfway done with law school. This semester's exams weren't too stressful, either. I found tax to be time consuming and a bit tedious, but other than that everything felt pretty straightforward. I'm hoping that doesn't mean I missed a bunch of stuff.

One last library observation: why can't anyone, and I mean anyone wear shoes in the library? Guys, girls, professors. Ok I made up the professor part, but seriously. Half of them show up to the library in essentially pajamas and sneakers anyway, how much more comfortable do you need to be? Are your nikes all that restraining? Oh, and just FYI, there's really no such thing as a "cute" pair of socks.

Another Library Observation

I went up to the community computer to print off a couple of old exams as a studying aid today. This printer is near the front desk, an area I usually avoid, because some of the front desk work-study students are a little drunk with power. I got spoken to twice within 5 minutes by one of them once. First, because I was making copies (cue Rob Schnieder) of a book with the photocopier cover open, which is - apparently - against the rules. Second, because as I was finishing up my copies, my cell phone rang. I was able to silence it before it rang a second ring, but no matter. Anyway, the lesson learned is not to hang out near the front desk, since in the corner of the library where my carrel is, we regularly talk amongst ourselves, answer our cells (and then take the conversation out in the hall), eat (heck we’ve even taking to marking our food “community” or “not community” so others don’t feel guilty), drink, and otherwise be merry. All of these things are prohibited in the library, but apparently the enforcement zone is within a few feet of that front desk.

Anyway, I’m getting off topic. While using said computer, I noticed an older man (I’m guessing late sixties) go up to the desk. He asks a question I can’t hear, but I hear the girl (woman?) at the desk respond, well, the state statutes are in that area over there. The man says something else, which I can only deduce was some type of interpretation question, because I hear the girl say, “well, I’m not sure, and we’re really not allowed to give legal advice.”

Now I can tell he’s getting upset. Since he’s facing away from me I still can’t hear his comments but hers go something like this:

“Our state’s statutes are right there.”

“I’m not sure of the answer to that question.”

“It’s a legal question, and I’m not qualified to answer it.”

“I can help you look something up if you like.”

“No, I can’t do that.”

Obviously, throughout the exchange the older guy is getting more and more agitated. He then crankily stomped away from the desk as only old men can do. As he did he repeated “where’s the book that says we have no rights? Where’s the book that says it?” over and over. I wasn’t sure if he had actually posed this question to the work-study student, or if this was just his cranky-old-man reaction to the situation (I suspect the latter). But as he stomped past me and asked the question again, our eyes met for a moment. I couldn’t resist.

“That’s a trick question, because they all say that.”

In other news

I have housing in Ireland. It is approximately 25% over the budget I set for it. In addition to the flight being about 100% over budget, I’ve gone from having an attitude of “you only live once, so make sure you take advantage of every opportunity on the Emerald Isle” to, “I wonder if Irish grocery stores sell ramen noodles.”

Actually, I shouldn’t say my attitude has changed as much as the two aforementioned are now both present.

Two down, two to go

I am done with Constitutional Law II and Tax (and Law Review requirements). Evidence coming up, with Criminal Adjudiction finishing out the rounds. It’s strange to think that after this week, I’ll be halfway done with law school. It doesn’t feel like it’s been that long, probably because I went to the holiday party for one of my old work’s clients this week. And “party” doesn’t really do it justice. This mortgage corporation rented out a 4-story building on the waterfront: first floor dining area with several carving stations and buffet, second floor full bar, third floor pool hall and game room, and fourth floor dance floor with live band. All absolutely free. The mortgage industry may be slowing, but 2005 was still pretty darn good.

I pretty much took it easy, knowing that I have to immerse myself in the Federal Rules of Evidence for the next few days. But it was nice to have a legitimate night out for free.

Law Library Observations

1. I saw two people walking through the library today holding hands. Granted I'm not a big on public displays of affection, but this one can't be just me, can it? The library?

2. Talked with a couple of 1Ls who were studying for Torts. They were pretty nerved up. I used a joke I stole from Barely Legal: The Blog : "don't worry, Torts is the gym class of law school, you'll be fine." They looked at each other and then back to me. "Yeah well, what you don't know is that when we went in to office hours the Prof said 'I don't usually tell students this, but you probably ought to go buy the [popular Torts study aid].'" Ouch.

3. Another couple of 1Ls were studying for Constitutional Law near me. They each had a stack of 5 x 7 note cards in front of them, along with laptops, books and papers. Apparently they had each written their own set of flashcards. I was wondering what you write on a Con Law flashcard when it became clear from their conversation that they had each written the name of the case on one side and their understanding of the holding on the other. After my recent foot-in-mouth (see #2), I just couldn't bring myself to tell them what a colossal waste of time that was.

On the positive side...

Tickets to Ireland have been bought. Fly out on the 3rd. This thing just might come together.

Weird Weekend

Twice this weekend, I asked someone how they're doing and got way more information than I wanted.

The first was on Friday, after the last day of classes. Not surprisingly this turned into a long night of drinking. A bunch of us walked to the dive bar a couple of blocks away from school. The one that no one from my school besides me frequents. Or has even heard of. This is the kind of place that still has paneling on the walls. For real. We spent a couple of hours there and then headed downtown for dinner, which also included a couple of drinks, then to one of the bars downtown.

We ended up at the place that tries really hard to seem like it's an Irish pub. My city isn't that big but there are a few Irish-themed places. This one feels like a TGIFriday's in Dublin. But there's plenty of room, centrally located, and usually has a band, so people like it when there's a bunch of us meeting up.

I start using the upstairs bar to avoid the line downstairs and on one of these trips I see one of my brother's friend's brothers. Guy I've met three times. I'm sure no matter what I would have said hello, but I've had a few, and classes are over, so I give him a hearty greeting and ask him how the hell he's been. Oops.

"Not good man. My wife threw me out."

"Oh. Wow, I'm sorry to hear that."

"Yeah. I got three kids, too." He looks like he's starting to well up. "It's my fucking fault, too."

"Wow. I don't know what to say, man." Then he kinda snaps out of it.

"How you been - you don't want to hear my sob story - how's law school goin?"

"Good, you know, um, a lotta work but, you know, hopefully worth it." What do you say at this point? If I say life sucks, it sure doesn't compare to what he's going through; if I say it's great he might start bawling. Shit. We chit chat about law school for a little bit, but then he starts in again.

"Hey man, how much does it cost to get a divorce lawyer?"

"I don't really know, but jeez, don't think like that, maybe it'll work out." Then he looks me in the eye and says deadpan:

"Dude, don't fuck with me. I out by myself on a Saturday night cause I don't want to go back to my buddy's den. How much?"

"Uh..."

"A thousand? . . . Three? . . . Ten?"

"Um . . . I really have no idea."

"Seriously, what's it gonna cost me?"

Now I'm just about panicked. How much a divorce lawyer gets is not something you learn in LS. At least not through three semesters. But I don't know how to explain to him that I'm not dodging the question, I just have no idea. After some more stammering he lets me off the hook and changes the subject to the Patriots. Yikes.

So then Saturday night, I go out for a late night beer after some studying. Head to this hole in the wall bar. I see a guy I went to high school with, he was a couple of years behind me. Not based on looks, but personality, he reminds me of Fun Bobby from Friends. Always the life of the party, and usually because he was on something. But at the same time he makes the party fun and tells stories, so you end up laughing instead of more than feeling sorry for him. Kind of guy that would probably make a great stand up comedian. So I ask him how he's doing.

"Not good man. I just moved back in with my parents. I'm 30 years old living in their basement. I'm going into rehab next week. If I don't go in I'm gonna die."

"What?" I ask mostly because I'm not sure if this is the set up to a joke or what. I've always known he was a big drinker and recreational drug user, and if I really thought about it I'd probably have surmised that he was probably more than a recreational user. I mean, who's in that good of a mood all the time? But also because I'm just not used to a straight answer/no smile from him. But he's totally serious.

"Yeah man this is my last week of living it up. Rehab next week. Christ, I've lost 30 pounds." he lifts up his shirt to show me. "I feel like shit. Two weekends ago I went to a concert in NYC it took me nine hours to get home." Now he's talking rapid fire. "I don't know where the fuck I was going, what streets I was on. We did an 8 ball, guy I didn't know gave me his crack pipe, I'm driving all around I don't know where. Yeah, if I don't quit this I'll be dead soon."

What do you say to that?

"Good luck man. I hope you do it."

"Yeah me too."

Then he walked off and started talking to a cute girl at the corner bar stool. He went home with her a while later. At first I didn't get that. But after thinking about it - girls like vulnerability. It doesn't get much more vulnerable than that.

Although not literally, it was a sobering weekend. Whatever stress comes with finals and trying to plan an overseas trip inside of two weeks, my life is absolutely blessed compared to what these two men were going through.

Whoops

The Women's Law Association was having a speaker come to school on the topic of networking. One of the WLA girls was telling me about it. I guess networking is something girls struggle with more than guys. Not that the speech was only for girls. Guys could come, too. She asked if I was going and I said something I shouldn't have.

"Why would I go to an hour long speech that boils down to: get a personality?"

Tip

So after eating a 10 piece value meal, I am reminded that McDonald's is one of the most effective diuretics known to man. Excuse me.

Which leads to this Tip of the Day: Don't sneeze on the toilet. Ow.

Disincentive

The "disincentivizing" thing got me thinking about how legal writers, beyond using unnecessarily big words, also like to add suffixes to make words into different parts of speech. Like, 'incentive' is a noun, so is 'disincentive', but disincentivize is a verb. I can easily imagine a legal writer musing about the problem of disincentivication. Now it's a noun again. Magic.

A typical example is 'disposition,' which in real life means one's general mood. That pit bull has a nasty disposition. But in law it means the final outcome of a case. What was the disposition? The judge granted the motion to dismiss, case over.

Savvy readers might notice that the root verb, dispose, already has a noun that regular Americans would use: disposal. But that sounds too much like trash. Ew.

Super Size Incentive

On my way into school for a Saturday of studying a few days back, I stopped into the local McDonald's. I start to order something with sausage in it when the girl stops me to say that they're on lunch. Not wanting a ton of food, I ask if the McNugget meal can be done with 6 pieces instead of the 10 (10!) they make it with now. (When did this change?) She tells me they can, but it will actually end up costing more than the value meal. I really don't want that much food, but I'm certainly not going to pay more for less. In law school they teach you big words like "disincentivize." So with this price structure, McDonald's is actually disincentivizing healthier choices. Before I went to law school I would have just said they're giving me even more reason to get fat. But if you were going to pay someone to write about a point of law, wouldn't you expect it to look more like the former (that means "first")?

I also noted that my server's name was "Wenndi." I am not making that up. I find this only slightly worse than Brandi. The snide part of me wants to say something like, "Note to Wenndi's mom: your daughter works at McD's. What did you expect?" The other part . . . well there just isn't one.