Alcoholism

So the roommates and I were lounging around the common room a couple of days ago watching TV. One of them, the business major, was telling how he saw in a magazine seven possible signs of alcoholism. You were supposed to answer yes or no as to whether you had any of the seven habits listed, and three or more yeses meant you had a problem. He sheepishly admitted he answered yes to six.

"But half of em were shyte, if you ask me," he said. Such as?

"One of em was, do ya suffer from hangovers. Well who doesn't get hangovers?" The rest of us nodded in agreement.

"Another one was - when you go to the poob do you hafta have more than two or three drinks. Well Christ, who goes to the poob and doesn't have at least six or eight pints? I don't see any point in goin less I have a dozen or so." The other two nodded while I furrowed my brow.

"Then, do ya binge drink more than once a month - and a "binge" was somethin like four drinks." I was back on board with that one. Four drinks does not seem like a binge to me. But the Environmental Scientist-to-be disagreed.

ES: "No, I tink it's eight drinks for a binge."

Business: "Are ya sure?"

ES: "Yeah, eight for a man and six for a woman. That's what it is."

Business: "Well I'm still toppin that when I go out anyway. Oh, that reminds me of the other one - do ya have more than so many drinks in a week. I can't remember how many it was . . . somethin like . . ."

"Forty two?" Ventured the environmental scientist. We all busted up laughing. Forty two? In a week? But he kept a straight face; he was quite serious.

ES: "Well ya figure seven days a week times six drinks, that'd be no binging for a week, why not?"

Business: "Well since you said it's eight for a binge, why not seven times seven for 49?"

ES: "I didn't want to push it."

. . .

Oh, and the one he didn't answer yes to? Do you feel the need for a drink within a couple hours of waking up.